I require surgical removal of my parasitic twin, the internet

13 05 2010

The following is a Plurk thread that occurred on my Plurkline earlier today. Names have been changed to prevent internet stalkery.

Me: Wheaties Fuel is not fucking around.

Respondant #1: Should it be?

Respondant #2: sounds wrong

Respondant #1: I’m gonna bet it’s got sugar, and probably caffiene.

Respondant #2: and red bull?

Respondant #1: Things that don’t fuck around, don’t need wings.

Respondant #2: everything needs wings, even things that already have wings

Me: lots and lots of vitamin B

Me: I had a bowl for breakfast on Monday and felt like I could climb to the moon.

Respondant #2: and you need that

Me: From now on I will only put a small handful in my greek yogurt.

Me: The box choices I had when I purchased it were Peyton Manning and Albert Pujols.

Respondant #2: tell me you didn’t get Pujols

Me: Since I only vaguely know who these people are, I chose the one that said ‘eat me!’ the most.

Respondant #2: (annoyed smiley)

Me: I did. I got Pujols. Manning didn’t look appetizing

Me: am I dead to you now?

Respondant #2: he’s not, but at least HE’S NOT ON THE FUCKING CARDINALS YOU HEATHEN BITCH!

Me: he’s a bird?

Me: (laughing smiley)

Respondant #2: a very big one

Me: how about I disfigure his face with a sharpie…

Respondant #3: (laughing smiley)

Respondant #3: use scissors

This and the posting of this (because I couldn’t just copy and paste, OH NO! Had to type it all out. Screw you Plurk!) is why I am still sitting here in my pajamas and not gleefully glaring at soccer moms at Michael’s right now.

Does anyone else look in their closet and say ‘Fuck You!’ to articles of clothing that either do not fit or you have deemed unacceptable in the 1/2 a sec that you glanced at them? No? Just me then. I threw on some clothes and when I looked down realized that I had put on practically the same thing I wore yesterday but clean. Of course I had to change. Can’t have the staff at the elementary school think I am some kind of slob who uses her daily clothes as pajamas and then wears them again the next day. Because I don’t. Wear them the next day. Of course I had to change, but then I was in a dither as to what to wear, which is completely moronic on my part. My clothes mostly consist of wide-leg yoga pants or wide-leg yoga capris and hundreds of girl tees all in various earth tones. I am boring, I am predictable and I like to be comfortable. This is my uniform. And really, I doubt that anyone would notice that I had on the same exact style & colors of clothing as the day before, but I live in fear that someone would. I know I wouldn’t notice that about someone else, but I barely notice myself most days so I am by no means a fair example. That I am able to get out of the house without my hair looking like an ape’s nest is a small miracle.

Onward I shove to craft store plunder!




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