Snarglefarffle.

13 05 2010

Ugh. It’s already Thursday and the diorama project that Rabid Hyena the Younger has due tomorrow has yet to be started. I do not exactly blame him either. I have not been my usual taskmistress self in regards to the school workage of the Rabid Hyena pair of late. This means I get to go spend several gloriously slack-jawed hours in Michael’s craft store today trying to find some shit that will make his hastily slapped together project seem less slapdash and more awesomesauce. (Yes, I have been smearing my legacy of slack all over my demon spawn. GO ME!) However, I am not setting foot near other humans without a large cup of decaf in my veins. That sounds completely insane, but it makes my adderall work faster and by default, myself less likely to snap in the silk flower aisle and attempt to bludgeon someone with a pack of daisies. I am joking of course. I would NEVER do that. Poppies are more aesthetically pleasing.

Speaking of adderall, my morning dose kicked in as I paused mid-post to wander into the kitchen to Keurig myself up a jumbo sized mug of barely caffeinated beverage. Sometimes when this happens I am able to take a serious look around the Temple of Slack, the Fortress of Lazitude, the Den of Dilatoriness* that is my home and see it as it truly is. When I peel my horrified brain off of my mental ceiling, I then start to get shit done. In this instance it was the seriously neglected dishes. Honestly I do not know why I allow them to pile up. I have a dishwasher. What could be easier than puzzling them in there, popping in a cube of detergent and turning it on, right? In the world of the seriously ADHD riddled this is tantamount to climbing Kilamanjaro with no gear and wearing nothing but a banana hammock with David Hasselhoff’s face on it, then once at the summit removing said banana hammock and snapping it rubberband-style into the wind and hitting Glenn Beck square in the kisser. So yeah. I just tea-bagged Glenn Beck. I WIN! (and knowing that someone is going to find my blog by googling “I just tea-bagged Glenn Beck” both frightens and amuses me.)

Going off on a tangent here, which really should shock no one who is reading this. If you know me, you know my ability to go off the main conversation road into a large patch of brambles or a filthy roadhouse is legendary and if you do not then all of my mental ridiculousness is baptism by fire anyway. Fuck! What was I saying? Oh yes, tangent. I was looking in the cupboard earlier and noticed that there are loads of brown rice cakes stashed in there. Brown rice cakes that I know I purchased sometime around the Ming Dynasty. Most people would cringe and toss them out, right? Well most SANE people. Me, I cheered and tasted some. They are surprisingly not-stale which only worries me a little bit, but I can sequester that niggling bit of doubt in a dusty corner of my brain where it will be guarded by taser-wielding memories from jr high and become the bitch of those disturbed flashbacks from my first easter and nom away happily ignorant of any weirdo, all-natural non-stale making creepies that might be lurking in their crunchy depths. Damn. Run on sentence much?

And on that note, I just realized that Spouse has left the building which means he is most definitely done with showering and I can turn on the dishwasher. See how I come full circle?

*much love to m-w.com and thesaurus.com, both of which I have bookmarked…the web browser equivalent of the speed-dial. They are even listed before the 4 metric tons of World of Warcraft and weird webcomic links. I am happy as shit that I actually managed to spell equivalent correctly without having to look it up. I looked it up anyway though because I was positive I had not spelled it correctly. Happy surprises make me happy.


The real downside to being a complete slack-ass, lazy fool? Having to eat your greek yogurt with a fork. I am really not kidding here.

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