Googling ‘Clown Ninjas’ is not as funny as you might think

14 05 2010

I woke up this morning feeling as though I had been lungraped by seals. And before you tell me that this doesn’t make any sense, if you could step inside my head for 5 minutes it would. Head full of mucus, throat a bit on the burny side and I cannot smell. Anything.

Part of the reason for my miserableness is due in large part to the torturous amounts of grass pollen in my area and me not taking any clairitin for the last two days. I figured adding more narcotics and then an antidepressant was more than enough for my system to deal with. However, I have changed my stance on this. My heart could explode, my brain veins could rupture, as long as I can breathe without wheezing or coughing, I care not.

Fuck. I had a great post all lined up here, but then I had to stop and take the Rabid Hyena pair to school and then got completely embroiled in a game of “Guess what drug this DJ is on” with a local radio station. And no, that is not one of the games I regularly make up in my head. It was an actual game on the morning show. I was absolutely convinced that I knew exactly what the drug was too and spent a good 15 minutes* trying to decide if I emailed the DJs would they get my response in time. I suppose I could have called, but I have an aversion to hearing my voice recorded. No weird reason either, I just think I sound like I am about 15 and it makes me cringe. Remember “And this one time, at band camp?”??? Yeah I sound kinda like that. Regardless, I was too late and someone else got the right answer and I was completely wrong anyway.

So now this has headed off into another direction and I am still waiting for my adderall to hit me. I guess I can try to explain the post title now. I really did google that right before I started this post. Clown-Ninja sounded hilarious in my head and I figured that SURELY the google images would have something totally awesome and hysterical to show me. I am seriously disappointed. Way too many ICP related things. I did find one thing that was someone’s deviant art drawing. It’s really good, but I didn’t want to snag it and repost it here ’cause that’s kind of a sketchy thing to do. Instead I think I will post a photo of the really cool revolver that Rabid Hyena the Elder made from pipe insulating foam and electrical tape. At some point I am going to devote an entire post to the weapons the Rabid Hyena pair craft from Home Depot booty.

The barrel is actually hinged with tape and rolls out. Is that not the most awesome thing ever? Rabid Hyena the Elder is 10 btw. Sorry the photo is such crap. I had to use my phone because I could not find the memory card reader for my camera. It’s probably in the deep freeze or some other equally as ludicrous and incongruous place.

And now that I have further lost my train of thought by spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out how to add a map pin to a google map someone created that I added to My Maps. Seriously! Shit should not be that difficult to figure out! I finally gave up when it started to make me frantic and mental. More mental that I already am. Add to that that I am also simultaneously trying to sweep and pick up a bit for the stove delivery person (I know. But I did say I was insane, so this should come as no big shock that I am trying to clean for someone I will never see again, yet cannot be arsed to do so on a regular basis. Man I hope the new drug cocktail works.), eating breakfast and being inundated with PMs from my friend in Scotland who is ranting about the UK’s latest Prime Minister election and sending me links to forum threads he thinks I should be reading. Me at my computer, with gtalk up and blinking feels a bit like my very own Skinner Box. I am COMPELLED to see why that light is flashing. I MUST peck it! It might reward me with CHOCOLATE! And now Scottish friend is talking about UK and Scottish politics…my brain might explode.

Okay, HOLY SHIT. Just received a phone call that has sent me into freakoutville.  Some back story first. My mom has been in a lot of pain the last week or so, she thought she had pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve. She went to see her doctor who scheduled an MRI. MRI happened yesterday and she discovered that she has a bulging disc between her 5th & 6th cervical vertebrae and scheduled surgery for next Tuesday. Hearing this news freaked me out but I researched the surgery and felt loads better after. So, last night she takes the flexeril and valium she had been prescribed for the severe pain and woke up at 1 am unable to move. She went by ambulance to the hospital and as of 10 am which is right now, she still cannot move. I am trying not to freak out, but it’s difficult. The ONLY reason I am sitting here blogging this is because she lives 3 hours to the south of me and so it’s not like I can drop everything and drive to the hospital. This is making me incredibly angsty. Writing about it helps. Helps to organize the chaos that are my thoughts. Even with 10 mg of adderall coursing through my veins I am only barely functioning when the shit hits the fan. Okay, that is not true. When something scary happens with either of my Rabid Hyenas, I am scary calm when medicated. I think what is fucking me up now is that it’s my mom and she’s supposed to be invincible. Oh good. And while looking up herniated discs again, I notice that when I was looking this up yesterday I must have read about surgeries involving bulging discs between the 4th & 5th LUMBAR vertebrae, which is kinda common and the surgery is routine. But hers is between the 5th & 6th cervical vertebrae, which is a whole other ball of cheese food product. AND her not being able to move at all is scary. So now I am trying really hard not to hyperventilate. I need to go pick up a prescription for Spouse and do my Special Friday Sushi Lunch, but I don’t trust myself to drive.

*If you continue to read my brain-goo, you will discover that I have no real concept of time so what seems to me like a short bit of time I will refer to as 15 min, medium bit of time is 30, anything above that is either for-fucking-ever or 5 years. So really what I am saying is that I cannot be trusted with accurate increments of time. But I stand firm in my belief that “Until it is done” is a legitimate measurement of time for a recipe.

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