A Bachelor’s Tale: Or How I Decided to Ditch the Womenfolk and Play the Smug French Bastard

27 07 2010

Installment 1

After ruthlessly killing off Yves, Elini and their 5 children when I installed my own disks of the game, I realized I kinda missed them. So, since I had saved a template of Elini, I renamed her Odette Desmarais and sent her off to find a mate in France. Yes, the same mate. Wow, was it ever difficult to get those two to be able to follow through on anything. Previously it was just the two of them in her home, so there were no barriers to the relationship. This time around, I have some mods that allow them to do much more on their own. In fact one is called a Casual Woo Hoo…which allows them to just go around screwing the whole planet if they wish. It’s brutal, and a mess, and within moments of Odette asking if Yves was single (she had met him through his roomate, Jules) he was trying to screw her blue. Nothing happened though. Each time Yves tried, his roomate butted in to complain, argue with or criticize Odette. He’s a jewel…truly! I suspect they might be more than roomates, but I forgot to check their kinsey scales with another mod I have. At any rate, they finally managed to tie the knot in France and return home where they lived blissfully happy and yada yada until I decided to just save the base Yves, kill them off again and restart. Each time I have subtley altered their traits and each time they like each other a little less. FINALLY, I just said fuck-it and decided to play Yves alone. Now mind you, this is a tweaked Yves. He has the same traits as the base sim, he just has had a makeover of sorts…one that makes him look not only less bumtastic, but also with a less scary profile. You will see when I get him to France and take snaps of his base model. *shudder* At any rate, I present, Yves Desmarais and yes, he DOES live in a swamp…hence the last name.

His traits are Brave, Neat, Virtuoso, Bookworm and Natural Cook. When the original Elini rolled all her wishes to get with the original him I was horrified. Thankfully he cleans up well.

So, I took the new & altered Yves and set him up in Twinbrook. It’s a town that came with the Ambitions EP and it’s got swampy bits. See?

This is his swamp dwelling, and wow does he hate it. He complained bitterly about the decor and lack of furnishings…he even cried when he saw the bed. I told him to suck it up and get used to it. Unemployed immigrants in this simville don’t get much until they make some cash.

When I said there was a lack of furnishings, I meant it. But he had barely enough money to get that damned bed and a sofa. He groused until he was starving and then grudgingly made himself some cereal.

Lacking even a kitchen table he had to sit on the sofa he had just wrinkled his snoot in disgust at. Ha ha! Serves you right!

I finally took pity on him when he became so bored he was serenading his trashcan. Seriously. I would not make this up.

At this point I got him a job at the local theatre as a Music Fan. Yes, that is a job that pays in the world of the Sims 3. The uniform is a bit skanky, however.

Yes, he’s playing the guitar. I cheated him a tiny bit of money so he would stop singing to everything, and also to help him on his way to his Lifetime Wish of being a Master of the Arts – Mastering both the Painting Skill and the Guitar Skill. SO yeah, I got him a bookcase, a guitar and an easel. A guitarless, bookless, easel-less Sim with the Virtuoso and Bookworm traits is a sad, sad thing. And annoying. Very, very annoying. Whiney French Bastard.

After a few days of work under his trousers and some time spent helping out at the local bookstore, Yves pauses for yet another musical interlude…and becomes aware of an elderly couple behind him. What does he do? He immediately rolls a wish to flirt with Milly, the female of the pair. I head-desked. Here we see him offering up his charming introduction…one that involves children’s toys, apparently.

Ahhh Milly. Milly who is just shy of becoming a full on bag lady and was apparently raised by blind, drunken clowns. At this point I don’t know if she is hitched to the emo-hair sporting oldster next to her or what, but just in case you didn’t get a good enough look at Milly, here you go.

Maybe it’s just me – maybe I am a bit jaded or superficial – but Milly is looking very Quentin Crispish. This makes me further doubt Yves placement on the mod’s Kinsey scale.

I dig into the Master Controller mod and discover that Milly’s friend is one Harlan Clay and that both he and Milly are single. Great. Since Yves has rolled a wish to flirt with her, I feel I should oblige by having him ask her marital status. *sigh* Here’s Harlan, btw.

Harlan Clay: Proving that not all NPC Sims are created godlike. All that’s missing is a fifth of cheap scotch clutched in his grubby mitt. The poor guy looks as though he’s been ridden hard and put away wet. Which is a horseman’s term…get your head out of the sewer!

Where was I? Oh yeah…Yves rolled a wish to flirt with Milly. I obliged him, but only by having him ask if she was single. I already knew she was, but he did not. He asks. She tells him and then proceeds to chat up Harlan. Hrmmm. That is all I am facilitating for Yves. He can find his own wenches. I will have him ask their status, but no more. Then it happens. He flirts by complimenting her personality (I know… I lawled too). She thanks him and then they all stand around for a few awkward seconds before they are distracted with Harlan yapping about butterflies.

They are joined in passing by Clark Peddler and Goodwin Goode (sitting reading). Meanwhile, Milly wanders off, thoughts of Harlan floating in her head. Poor Yves. There’s a wish that won’t be fulfilled anytime soon.

After about a minute of Harlan’s lip-flapping, Yves grows bored and whips out…you guessed it…his GUITAR! Soon a crowd gathers, including Milly who turned around the moment she heard his dulcet tunes. See how cleverly he brings her back into his gallic clutches. She might be on the periphery, but she’s there and soon she will be HIS! If, you know, he works it and stuff. I draw the line at granny-catching, sorry.

But alas, it is getting late and too dark to really get any good shots. So I let him continue on with his playing for another Sims-hour or so and then sent him on his way home.

But before a very hungry Yves can even leave, he is accosted by the Evil, Cowardly, Mean-Spirited but shockingly Lucky Klepto, Max Racket, who bores him with talks of his plot to rule the world. Yves is not amused and tries to deflect with happy chat of music. This succeeds in driving Max away so Yves can taxi home to eat a bowl of cereal, take a bath and play more guitar in his undies.

He might be smug, he might be French, he might be a granny-chasing, trashcan serenading, underwear guitar playing, swamp-hovel dwelling fool…but at least he’s clean.

This concludes installment one of The Smug, French Bastard Files…worry not, dear readers I shall be bringing you more of his antics in the days to come. In fact, I plan on playing him some more this evening and snapping as many photos as I can for future post fodder.

BTW, most of the shots I take will be with the walls down, this is why they look so weird. Also, it’s an honest to goodness swamp with mist and everything, that explains why his legs look odd in that undie-guitar shot, heh.

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