Ketchup Patrol

5 02 2015

I had an IV iron infusion today. I arrived for my appointment 10 minutes early only to be told by admissions that there was a 30 minute wait for a spot. 45 minutes later I was told I could go up, however, upon arrival I was ushered to a chair sitting in the middle of the walkway as there were still no spots available, but they didn’t want me having to wait in admissions any longer. Honestly, I didn’t care, I just felt like I was in the way where they parked me. Infusion went without a hitch and I meandered my way to the cafeteria for a plate of regret. The ‘grill’ did not disappoint…one protein puck with cheese, mushrooms, lettuce, onion and tomato to go. They serve the ‘burgers’ sans any condiments, leaving it to the customer to smear the colored paste of their choice over their offerings at the condiment bar. I like ketchup and mayo on my burgers. I know, I am a freak, but this is how I roll, except there was no ketchup in either of the pumps at the condiment station. Before I could say a word, a woman who was cleaning tables at the opposite end of the dining hall yells “That day girl she didn’t put anything in there, not even a bag or nothin’!”.  Only I didn’t hear all those words exactly, I only parsed them out later. I looked around me, thinking that maybe this person was talking to another cafeteria worker, sure she was not ramble-shouting at me. “You gotta get packets from the little store!” she yelled at my confused face. Finally it dawned on me…she was telling me the saga of why there was no ketchup…a saga I was really not interested in, but at least she told me where to get packets. “Where is this little store you speak of?” I asked…I truthfully had no fucking clue what she meant. Turns out she meant the weird coffee stand just inside the entrance to the cafeteria, so I made my way there to beketchup myself. Upon returning, I sat close to the condiment bar simply because it was the furthest from any other dining humans, and if you know me, you know that for me hell is other people. Two other unsuspecting ketchup hunters came up within 5 minutes of me sitting down and were treated to the same shouted story about ketchup and stood there staring at the cafeteria woman with befuddlement. Thing is, never did the woman say the words ‘there is no ketchup’. Nope she just repeated her bitchy story about the failings of the day staff and then directed people to the little store…no one understood wtf she was saying. I could not stomach this for my entire meal, so I turned my chair to face the station and proceeded to inform anyone who hovered near either ketchup pump that they were both out and exactly where to obtain packets.

It certainly made things more peaceful.

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