How I Became a Drug Chicken (Or, Never Do an Odd Job for a Sketchy Sylvari)

27 08 2015

So I am traversing a lower (lower than my level) area in Guild Wars 2, randomly stabbing undead and slaughtering unsuspecting wildlife – like you do – when I come upon a Sylvari (one of the plant people of GW2) who asks me if I am up for new experiences. Honestly that should have pinged my warning system right off, but like a fool I admitted that I did like new things from time to time because let’s face it, my thief is not too bright…he’s built to look pretty and be deadly. After asking me which of my traits I thought were my best out of strength, speed and agility, in true vainglorious fashion I said all three. POOF! This…this is what I ended up as:


Yes, the absolute epitome of speed, strength and agility…a chicken.

Mr Twig then gets to the meat of his task, he wants me to obtain some ‘special roots’ for him from yonder cave. I can only assume that since I am now disguised as a chicken that said cave might be a touch dangerous, but surely he has made me a super chicken, so I should be fine. Right…RIGHT? *crickets*

So I amble and cluck my way into this cave and immediately see my target. I think that this should really be a simple task, and the Champions inside do not seem to notice me at all:



But, apparently plucking these plants awakens some angry, fire-breathing grubs and despite what I previously thought, I am NOT a super chicken. In fact my ONLY attack is the ability to let out a terrifying squawk.


After getting 4 of those grubs on my ass, all hellbent on a roasted chicken lunch, I turn to squawk defiantly before waddling my happy ass out of there. At least I managed to get the stupid roots, I only wish I could have thrown them at the asshole’s head.


Here’s your fucking roots…smoke up, hippy!




One response

27 08 2015
I.M. Pangs

The last time someone asked me if I was up for new experiences, I couldn’t sit down comfortably for a week.

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