Of Cabbages and Things

11 10 2016

When I was wee, just a toddler, my mother’s best friend was a woman from Okinawa. She was married to a former military man (my dad’s best friend) and they happened to live in the same mobile home park as my folks. I was far too young to remember them, but she taught me how to use chopsticks (my little fingers hurt using them the correct way so I improvised my own method that I use to this day) and taught my mother how to make omurice and yakisoba…both foods I then grew up eating. I like to think I came upon my Japanese culture fascination by chance, but something tells me this paved the way. Just as I cannot recall not being able to use a fork, the same goes for chopsticks.

Today I am making a pot of what I call Yakisoba soup. It’s something I devised recently to use up some cabbage & kale I had, without resorting to making the starchy deliciousness that is Yakisoba. It’s basically chopped cabbage (napa or green); chopped kale (whichever kind you have works…I used lacinato last time, am using curly this time); about 1-1/4 cups of diced onion (green, yellow or red); 4 slices of diced, uncured bacon; 1 carton of unsalted beef or chicken stock; one can of reduced sodium beef or chicken broth; fresh grated or powdered ginger (as much as you think you want…careful with the powdered); a little fresh or granulated garlic; a healthy drizzle of Worcestershire sauce; good sized squirt of soy sauce; a shake of toasted sesame oil; one packet of Herb Ox sodium free bouillon powder (chicken or beef depending on which broth/stock you used) and finally a drizzle of agave syrup. I just make it all in my pressure cooker and then end up being the only person who eats it for the next few days, but to me it’s comfort food in a bowl.

So in the wake of my 45th birthday, I raise my sake cup to you mom & Chieko, for instilling in me a lifelong passion (obsession). KANPAI!

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Would you like some tea with your disdain?

29 03 2016

Rabid Hyena the Younger is taking an Intro to Culinary Arts class this semester. Every couple of weeks he has a cooking assignment where he has to cook a certain thing and document his work. This week it was to peel and devein some shrimp and boil it. Simple task. However, most of the stores around here that sell shrimp sell it in the EZ peel pre-deveined form. But I knew Whole Foods would have at least one variety that was what we needed, so off we went.

Just as I thought, they had an untouched variety, so shrimp was acquired as well as a few items for which I had coupons…I also grabbed a daffodil for Rabid Hyena the Elder to dissect for his Biology class. I was adulting like fuck! At any rate, as I approached the check outs, I quickly took stock and realized I had too many items for the express lane, which left only one other open check out. I inwardly cringed. The cashier manning said stall was one that I have known in the past. She’s one of those kind of people who work at health food stores. Silently and sometimes not so silently judging as they ring up your purchases. She likes to judge me for buying meat, judge me for having the audacity to be a fat girl, judge me for dairy purchases. I know it sounds as though I am projecting, but I swear I am not. She’s made little comments in the past. I find her insufferable and on more than one occasion have wanted to punch her in her judgy-ass mouth…with a side of hormone & antibiotic laden beef. Honestly, I have rarely encountered people like that at the various health stores in our area…shockingly. Or at least I have rarely crossed them working at said stores. The workers oft times are the cheery, white-rasta, patchouli smearing, herb smoking, salt of the earth types. The people who shop there are a whole other story…the word HONKIES comes to mind.

But needs must and we had to GTFO of the store at some point. I piled our soon to be purchased booty on the counter, including the flower that I had at one point dropped from the cart and rolled over the stem, crushing it. I mentioned said crushed stem and that it made no difference as Rabid Hyena the Elder was just going to dissect it for Biology anyway.

I probably should have kept my mouth shut. I probably should have just let them think whatever they wanted about the sad, lonely, stem-crushed flower. But no…I had to open my mouth and invite stupidity. Immediately, Judgy Cashier asked why he was dissecting a flower. I am almost positive that I looked at her as though she was the stupidest person on the planet, and was about to snark something back when the bagger saved us all by gently explaining why someone would need or want to dissect a flower. I shot her a grateful look and was doing my level best to ignore the other checker when she piped up with “Well, better a flower than a frog. I couldn’t do it.” Really? I’m sorry, you have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit about your opinions. Is what I wanted to say. Instead I shot her a withering look – or what I like to think of as a withering look…she probably thought I was just constipated – and we were on our merry way, me grumbling under my breath about self-righteous twatwaffles.





My Brain Really Is THAT Weird

28 01 2016

I am blogging this for posterity’s sake. Or to remind myself what a stone cold crazy person I really am. Something. So this is what made me get up at 7:30ish this morning, wondering wtf I had consumed the night before to cause such fuck-upedness.

I just had a dream where I was sitting on a bench in the middle of an ice skating rink, interviewing Lenin about a Prom…and I was wearing roller skates..and he was only answering in russian. In the background I could hear ‘to the window…to the wall…the sweat drips down my balls’ with a thumping beat. It was so ridiculous that I actually woke myself up.

Yup. That happened. And I was still a little frustrated from it like I was in the dream, because I don’t speak russian!





How I Became a Drug Chicken (Or, Never Do an Odd Job for a Sketchy Sylvari)

27 08 2015

So I am traversing a lower (lower than my level) area in Guild Wars 2, randomly stabbing undead and slaughtering unsuspecting wildlife – like you do – when I come upon a Sylvari (one of the plant people of GW2) who asks me if I am up for new experiences. Honestly that should have pinged my warning system right off, but like a fool I admitted that I did like new things from time to time because let’s face it, my thief is not too bright…he’s built to look pretty and be deadly. After asking me which of my traits I thought were my best out of strength, speed and agility, in true vainglorious fashion I said all three. POOF! This…this is what I ended up as:

DrugChicken2

Yes, the absolute epitome of speed, strength and agility…a chicken.

Mr Twig then gets to the meat of his task, he wants me to obtain some ‘special roots’ for him from yonder cave. I can only assume that since I am now disguised as a chicken that said cave might be a touch dangerous, but surely he has made me a super chicken, so I should be fine. Right…RIGHT? *crickets*

So I amble and cluck my way into this cave and immediately see my target. I think that this should really be a simple task, and the Champions inside do not seem to notice me at all:

DrugChicken3

DrugChicken4

But, apparently plucking these plants awakens some angry, fire-breathing grubs and despite what I previously thought, I am NOT a super chicken. In fact my ONLY attack is the ability to let out a terrifying squawk.

DrugChicken5

After getting 4 of those grubs on my ass, all hellbent on a roasted chicken lunch, I turn to squawk defiantly before waddling my happy ass out of there. At least I managed to get the stupid roots, I only wish I could have thrown them at the asshole’s head.

DrugChicken1

Here’s your fucking roots…smoke up, hippy!





Manwich: A Sims 4 Story – Chapter 3, Going Drama Fishing Bites Me On The Arse

15 02 2015

Finally things are starting to get interesting…well, maybe not interesting but certainly not boring. The next day, the trash pile is still in the kitchen and once again some asshole decides to play in it:

Trashole

Also note the artifact particles left in and next to the sink from someone (Simone) washing dishes. I had to restart my game to make that shit go away. I was just glad they did go away as I had just installed a couple of new mods when it happened, one for faster eating and another that ensures your sims stay their same weight with no muscles or fat being added and I worried that one of them was queering things. I know that last one sounds boring, but it’s scary how fast a sim will put on weight be it from fat or muscle. Then it’s kind of a pain to get the fat off later…yeah, you can buy a potion with satisfaction points (earned by satisfying whims), but I’d rather use those for other, more permanent things.

One item of note is that SOMEONE finally made something other than fucking tofu dogs:

BurgersFinally

Thank you Tristan for grilling that platter of burgers. I have some reprieve from the nightmare inducing soy weenies.

Moving along, things began to heat up with Alistar & Simone. No longer were they merely engaging in empty flirting, one morning while they were both in the bathroom doing god knows what…

MorningAblutions

Alistair approached Simone with a proposition. Nope, he did not spontaneously propose…instead he asked her to get busy with him and at least he had bathed first. Let me state here that I have never had sims autonomously ask for woo hoo, I have always had them roll whims to do it and then I click accordingly. But I knew that with some of the mods I have this could happen, it just had not happened for me yet….until now. So Alistair asked Simone to make the beast with two sim backs with him, BUT he also wanted to try for a baby. I almost spit coffee at my monitor when I saw that. Yet another wild card I hadn’t thought of. But surely the risk wouldn’t be that high…would it? Would it? Hello? *crickets*

MaybeBaby

So yeah, that happened and afterwards they were both super proud of themselves and continued to be ridiculously flirty. Alistair immediately rolled a whim to ask Simone to be his girlfriend, a whim that Simone had had about him since the third time he flirted. Yeah, when she rolled her whim to make him her man, I pinned that shit knowing it would come in handy later. Despite my rule of not forcing them into anything, I figure that when they have similar whims it’s okay to go ahead and make it happen. So I did:

AskSteady1

“Yeah, so I totally like kissing you and stuff…wanna go steady?” Naturally she squealed like a baby pig, jumped up and down and accepted. Then they had to commemorate the occasion, (note the half eaten burger on the table behind them. He had interrupted her post coital snack to pop the question):

AskSteadyPhoto

Complete with awkward facial expressions. I love how her right leg is popped up there too.

In the Sims 4, you have the option, after a male & female sim have engaged in risky behavior, to allow the female to do a pregnancy test. I had Simone do this since I wasn’t sure if she would do it on her own. I know this kind of violates my rules, but I am really glad I did it. Sure enough, she was up the duff…the first time they had sex…ever. OF COURSE she was. This is what I get for adding in mods to spice things up. She was positively glowing with joy:

Pregnant

Perhaps it was just my imagination, but it seemed as though Simone’s tatas immediately looked larger as well:

BigTatas

Before long, she had changed clothes and POOF baby bump:

BabyBump

She puttered about doing various tasks all day while the boys were at work:

FakeSims

Even the sims in HER game have hot tubs…what’s up with no hot tubs for Sims 4, EA?

PregnantBartend

Even while practicing her bartending skills she cannot help but think of Alistair…

CleanAllThings

And then she proceeded to go on a tear, cleaning all of the things. We call this nesting in the real world, and it usually happens closer to the end of the pregnancy, but whatev.

In no time at all she was huge with Therin spawn and she was whining and bitching about it too:

SuckIt

Suck it up, princess! That’s what you get for not making Big Al wrap his simcock. Just as way of explanation to anyone not aware of the workings of the game, the thought bubbles above her profile pic are whims. Hers involve marrying Alistair (yes, she rolled that one pretty fast after discovering she had a bun in the oven) and leveling up her mixology skill (that one will probably have to go on the back burner for a good while). The boxed icons below are what is known as moodlets. Orange ones are negative and hers currently involve being hungry (due to eating for two) and rife with morning sickness courtesy of the parasite in her womb. Even eating while full of the future king or queen of Ferelden (ha ha ha!) and nauseated is a lip-wibble inducing task:

SadBurger

I would have summoned some sympathy, but she welcomed his loaded pistol.

Time passed, more flirts occurred, Alistair & Tristan became best friends…but still Alistair did not roll a whim to ask for Simone’s hand in happily wedded bliss. He did, however, ask to feel her baby bump which made me squee with all the emotion the pixel crush I have had for years (since DA:O) could afford:

ProudPapa

At one point they decided to go for a swim and have a serious talk:

AskfForCash

“Uh yeah…here’s the thing…can you like, ask your parents for cash? These bills are piling up and I am taking some vacation time to go skiing with my bros.” Or something to that effect. Please note how Simone rocks the huge belly with bikini look.

At long last the much awaited day arrived and while sitting on the toilet, Simone went into labor. Her reaction? No better time to take a nap. Alistair’s reaction was a little different:

AlistairLaborPanic

“AHHHHHHHHHH! Do I need to pack a bag? We don’t have a car!!! Should I grill chicken???” To his credit, he didn’t flip his shit for long and was back downstairs watching sports before she even woke. When she did wake up though, it was totally go time:

GiveBirth1

I cannot help but love the look on her face. Soon I was prompted to name the new addition, a baby boy. Odin Therin. The game wanted me to give him Simone’s last name, but I refused. Fuck that shit. Man’s going to own up to his child. Then, I was the one making the holy hell face. Another pop up hit my screen asking me to name the little girl Simone had just delivered. Fuck my sim life. Twins. I gave her the name of Maia Therin.

It took me a bit to find where the second baby had landed since I had only set up one bassinet. I could see two babies in the household list, but no clue where little Maia was. Then I found her, in the dining room with her mama:

MamaSimone

I am really glad I had thought to add an additional mod for smarter baby care after Simone fell pregnant. I think in the long run it will make things much easier. I also opted to turn aging back on for the game. I usually play with it suspended, but doing so now ensures the babies stay babies and NO ONE wants that. I now leave you with an ovary exploding shot…or at least it seemed that way to me. OMFG I cannot get over how adorable this is:

DaddyAlistair

*le sigh* heh heh heh. I also think I should mention that at no other time during the pregnancy did Alistair & Simone roll whims to make with the whoopie, with each other or in general. I think they might have learned their lesson. Maybe. I shudder to think what happens in the future. Also? Still no marriage whim from Alistair…





Manwich: A Sims 4 Story – Chapter 2, Faux Dog Millionaire

14 02 2015

Another day, another reason to sell the family grill. Once again someone has grilled up a mess of tofu dogs, leaving that as the only ready cooked food in the fridge. This does not put off our shit-dog munching trio one bit. Errrrryone eats them. Alistair devoured one for breakfast one morning:

TofuDogChower

He appears to be really enjoying that too, musing on it’s smoky plasticness. *shudder*

Soon, Simone is up and rummaging for a snack. Alistiar decides to finally roll a whim to flirt with her in the first time in ages. Huzzah! We might get some action up in here! He makes his move while she is eating a morning shit-dog.

StinkDog

Letting a girl know how much she stinks while you are trying to get in her pants? Maybe not a good plan…just sayin’. Still he perseveres, even following her to the bathroom for some more suggestive chat.

TrulyStink

“Girl, I am seriously into you…but man…is that 40 pounds of raw sewage I smell or you?” Even with that kind of pick up line, he still makes romantic tick marks with her. She is just too cheerful to be ashamed I guess.

One quick shower later and Simone is ready to face the day and whatever else is in store. But first a fast set of sit-ups…executed perfectly in a short skirt and wedges…on the bathroom floor…like you do.

BathroomSitups

By this time, everyone in the house is now awake and watching TV, some of them eating yes, fucking tofu dogs, while Alistair attempts to get his swerve on.

TofuDogSwerve

Eventually, after more chatting, flirting and swim time, Alistair & Simone share their first kiss…awwwwwww.

FirstKiss

Made slightly creepy by a bemused and somewhat sinister looking Tristan looking on.

SlightlyCreepy

True to form, Tristan follows it up with a joke, making what could have been a truly awkward scene one that they might all look back on fondly. Or something. Maybe not…

VeryAwkward

Despite their high friendship and romantic association levels this happens. I am not sure if it has something to do with Tristan’s joke landing at an inopportune time or that Simone is just unsure of her feelings, regardless, things got weird.

This is never a deterrent to true sim-love though and right after this Alistair flirts with her anew and she gleefully laps it up like fresh grilled tofu pups. Speaking of…someone thinks it’s time for another shit-dog, while someone else does a strange mid conversation swimsuit change.

ArtDreamFlirt

Our Simone knows exactly which conversation topic buttons to push to get Alistair thinking of her dreamily…as he snarfs soy-weenies of course. Always with the god damn tofu dogs. I cannot escape their foulness! Upon checking in the fridge, I notice there is only one left…I hope someone makes something else soon. I realize I can force one of them to cook something else, but I am trying really hard not to give in to my typical control freak ways.

Things crawl by at a snails pace and before long I am starting to think I really do need to make some kind of a douche canoe sim neighbor to shake things up but then…

WheresMaid

“Ugh! Where is the maid? What the hell am I supposed to do with this mess?” Well, princess, you repair or replace it and mop that shit up. Except they won’t do this of their own accord without a mod, so I either have to break my rules about forcing them to do things or put in a mod that has them make repairs autonomously. This time I opt to force Alistair to get his hands dirty and wet. Kinky!

RepairSuit

Hey, he’s already in his swimming suit so it’s not like he’s going to ruin his clothing or anything. Every time a sim repairs something in the Sims 4, a pile of garbage is left on the floor. Several things can happen with this such as they can rummage for spare parts, throw it all away or play in it. I have yet to have a sim play in garbage since I bought this game, but there always has to be a first. Some asshole has to come along and just make a bigger mess.

TrashStomp

And sometimes, it’s an asshole you happen to co-habitate with. *sigh*

MessyKitchenAfter Tristan is done smearing garbage juice all over the walls, Alistair decides to wander off to watch the news and Simone grabs the last of the tofu dogs, the trash pile and water puddle stand alone, a lonely reminder of just how completely useless the housemates are.





Manwich: A Sims 4 Story – Chapter 1

14 02 2015

So, I have been cracked out of Sims 4 for a week or more now and have tortured all manner of sims. Today I decided to make a house with three roommates, all romantic and flirty and see where it goes. The propensity for drama is high when you have 3 flirty sims under one roof, at least this was my thought.

First of all, let me explain that I am not playing without mods of any kind and I am not above cheating simoleons should the need arise. Some of those mods make things easier and the simoleon cheat as well as the free real estate cheat make this scenario I have work well. The mods I am using are as follows: Autonomous Interactions (this one makes your sims do things that previously would need user interaction to precipitate, like brushing their teeth at a sink in a park, heh), Emotional Overcharge (this one makes the sims choose actions based on their moods more than the base game allows. So an angry sim is more likely to say mean things to a friend. This ups the potential for silly drama.), Keep Instruments in Inventory, and Faster Gardening. The last two are fairly self explanatory. I also made rules for myself that only allow me to force them to do any interactions for certain whims and then only occasionally. All other times I have to sit on my hands and just let things play out. This is hard for me to do as I have a tendency to want to micromanage my sims, but it certainly makes things more ‘real’. I also am playing with the aging turned off, so should a child happen it will stay the same age forever, which is a chilling thought.

In the interest of spicing things up a bit, I made 3 sims…well I made two and downloaded a third. I decided that their back story is that they are 3 trustafarians who love to piss their parents off with their life choices, but are still fully funded by said parents. In this way, I can cheat them simoleons and into more expensive property. I specifically chose occupations and aspirations that would irritate successful parents too. Let’s meet the cast:

Alistair

First off we have Alistair Therin. This is a sim I downloaded from the Community Gallery and he is based on Alistair Therin from the Dragon Age games. Yes, I am showing a geek-crush here, sue me! Alistair is an active, art loving romantic. I set his aspiration as Painter Extraordinaire. The romantic trait ensures that a sim is a flirt, active means they like to exercise and art lover drives his desire to paint.

TristanBacon

Next we have Tristan Bacon. Tristan is the product of some sim gene play with Alistair and another of my created sims, Nate. Yes, I am well aware of the incest-like potential that exists in putting him in a house with a flirty Alistair. That’s kind of the point! I have played Tristan with Alistair in other games and they got along so well that I thought  they would make good roomies. Tristan is an outgoing, romantic but noncommittal sim. This means he gains powerful moodlets from friendly socialization, is flirty but gets tense with stability, be it relationship or job related. He has the aspiration to be a Joke Star, a comedian.

Simone2

Finally, we have our one female sim, Simone Belle. Simone was a sim I originally created as a gorgeous but insane neighbor for another game, but I love her looks and decided to tweak her hair, clothing and traits and thus this version was born. Simone is a cheerful but clumsy romantic who has the aspiration to become a Master Mixologist…a bartender. This means she is generally happier than other sims, falls more often during activities – but is still positive about it, usually laughing it off – and on top of all that, she is a flirt.

This is what I am working with here and I dumped them all into this house:

ManwichHouseIt’s a lavishly decorated Mediterranean style house I downloaded off of the Community Gallery and placed on that lot. That it has three bedrooms and a pool was the main attraction for me. Within minutes of entering the house, this occurred which made me feel my roommate choices were perfect…maybe too perfect.

Manwich

They all seem to get along REEEEEALLY well, to the point that I have yet to see any drama whatsoever. It is still early days yet, but I am thinking they might all just be too nice to each other and I may have to create a stick to stir the shit. (yes, Alistair appears to be naked in that shot, but rest assured he is wearing a swimming suit…nuthuggers, but his groin is covered nonetheless.)

I set about getting the trio set up in the jobs that match their aspirations, Alistair as a Palette Cleaner, Tristan as an Amateur Entertainer and Simone to become an Assistant Dishwasher when her aspiration dictates that she find a job. Meanwhile, they can all practice to raise their skills for each of their prospective aspirations.

AlistairPaintsAlistair with the most basic of painting skills, but at least he is trying!

TristanJokesTristan’s first attempt at joke telling. He was good enough to at least draw Simone & Alistair over and make them laugh a bit too.

SimoneBartend

Yes this is Simone tending bar and practicing making drinks…in her pajamas. Hey, she has no job at the moment, why not be comfy?

Lives moves fairly sedately at Chez Bacon-Therin-Belle. I was expecting at least some crazy flirting and drama, but so far nothing. Although Simone and Alistair seem to have hit it off in a more romantic way. They managed to auto-flirt themselves to being Lovebirds and are so comfy with each other that they let this happen:

ToiletChat

Casually chatting and thinking about cupcakes while on the can. Even Spouse and I don’t do such things and we have been married for almost 16 years, heh. Honestly, the doings in that photo look far more sinister and kinky than they really are. “Heh heh heh. Hey there little girl…” *stare* “Rahr! I would lick the frosting off your cupcakes in a heartbeat!” So many ways one can interpret this.

Flirting seemed hot & heavy the first few days, but has since cooled. However, Simone & Alistair are now good friends, so are Tristan & Alistair. Simone had rolled a whim to make Alistair her boyfriend and I pinned that one to keep it around for awhile, to see what happens. Alistair, however, hasn’t had a Simone specific whim in a few days now.

So this is installment 1. I plan to keep snapping photos and regaling their antics in posts to come. At some point maybe they will all stop rolling whims to grill tofu dogs. Seriously, there can only be so many tofu dogs in all of simdom! Every time they ask to do it, I cringe too. Tofu dogs are fucking NASTY.

GODDAMNIT! While I was posting, Alistair snuck over to the grill and did this:

FuckingTofuDogs

You can tell these are fucking tofu dogs by the pale color and unappetizing sheen. HORF! That grill may have to go teh way of the dodo…