Cheeseball Roulette

12 10 2016

I love playing PC video games…especially MMORPGs. I don’t mind subbed ones but the free ones, when they are good, are a great waste of time. What I really love is the ones that have those daily prizes. I love looking forward to whatever digital garbage I am going to get because sometimes they give rare awesomeness.

*CLICK* Yay!! I won a free bubble of orc splooge! Huzzah! *CLICK* Awesome!! Two tickets for some PvP gear that I need to PvP a million hours to obtain more so I can get an outdated helm. ROCK ON! At least it was FREEEEEEEE! *CLICK* Oh look!! A love token good towards any pretend internet gaming marriage because I am playing some obscure Asian game that makes marriage a part of leveling! Super! AND FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Yup. It’s like that. Because mentally I am just a 5 year old with a roll of coins standing at a bank of gumball & prize machines, and I really REALLY think I might get that sparkly, velvety, rainbow unicorn sticker if I want it bad enough!

Just one more quarter…

 

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Of Cabbages and Things

11 10 2016

When I was wee, just a toddler, my mother’s best friend was a woman from Okinawa. She was married to a former military man (my dad’s best friend) and they happened to live in the same mobile home park as my folks. I was far too young to remember them, but she taught me how to use chopsticks (my little fingers hurt using them the correct way so I improvised my own method that I use to this day) and taught my mother how to make omurice and yakisoba…both foods I then grew up eating. I like to think I came upon my Japanese culture fascination by chance, but something tells me this paved the way. Just as I cannot recall not being able to use a fork, the same goes for chopsticks.

Today I am making a pot of what I call Yakisoba soup. It’s something I devised recently to use up some cabbage & kale I had, without resorting to making the starchy deliciousness that is Yakisoba. It’s basically chopped cabbage (napa or green); chopped kale (whichever kind you have works…I used lacinato last time, am using curly this time); about 1-1/4 cups of diced onion (green, yellow or red); 4 slices of diced, uncured bacon; 1 carton of unsalted beef or chicken stock; one can of reduced sodium beef or chicken broth; fresh grated or powdered ginger (as much as you think you want…careful with the powdered); a little fresh or granulated garlic; a healthy drizzle of Worcestershire sauce; good sized squirt of soy sauce; a shake of toasted sesame oil; one packet of Herb Ox sodium free bouillon powder (chicken or beef depending on which broth/stock you used) and finally a drizzle of agave syrup. I just make it all in my pressure cooker and then end up being the only person who eats it for the next few days, but to me it’s comfort food in a bowl.

So in the wake of my 45th birthday, I raise my sake cup to you mom & Chieko, for instilling in me a lifelong passion (obsession). KANPAI!





Would you like some tea with your disdain?

29 03 2016

Rabid Hyena the Younger is taking an Intro to Culinary Arts class this semester. Every couple of weeks he has a cooking assignment where he has to cook a certain thing and document his work. This week it was to peel and devein some shrimp and boil it. Simple task. However, most of the stores around here that sell shrimp sell it in the EZ peel pre-deveined form. But I knew Whole Foods would have at least one variety that was what we needed, so off we went.

Just as I thought, they had an untouched variety, so shrimp was acquired as well as a few items for which I had coupons…I also grabbed a daffodil for Rabid Hyena the Elder to dissect for his Biology class. I was adulting like fuck! At any rate, as I approached the check outs, I quickly took stock and realized I had too many items for the express lane, which left only one other open check out. I inwardly cringed. The cashier manning said stall was one that I have known in the past. She’s one of those kind of people who work at health food stores. Silently and sometimes not so silently judging as they ring up your purchases. She likes to judge me for buying meat, judge me for having the audacity to be a fat girl, judge me for dairy purchases. I know it sounds as though I am projecting, but I swear I am not. She’s made little comments in the past. I find her insufferable and on more than one occasion have wanted to punch her in her judgy-ass mouth…with a side of hormone & antibiotic laden beef. Honestly, I have rarely encountered people like that at the various health stores in our area…shockingly. Or at least I have rarely crossed them working at said stores. The workers oft times are the cheery, white-rasta, patchouli smearing, herb smoking, salt of the earth types. The people who shop there are a whole other story…the word HONKIES comes to mind.

But needs must and we had to GTFO of the store at some point. I piled our soon to be purchased booty on the counter, including the flower that I had at one point dropped from the cart and rolled over the stem, crushing it. I mentioned said crushed stem and that it made no difference as Rabid Hyena the Elder was just going to dissect it for Biology anyway.

I probably should have kept my mouth shut. I probably should have just let them think whatever they wanted about the sad, lonely, stem-crushed flower. But no…I had to open my mouth and invite stupidity. Immediately, Judgy Cashier asked why he was dissecting a flower. I am almost positive that I looked at her as though she was the stupidest person on the planet, and was about to snark something back when the bagger saved us all by gently explaining why someone would need or want to dissect a flower. I shot her a grateful look and was doing my level best to ignore the other checker when she piped up with “Well, better a flower than a frog. I couldn’t do it.” Really? I’m sorry, you have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit about your opinions. Is what I wanted to say. Instead I shot her a withering look – or what I like to think of as a withering look…she probably thought I was just constipated – and we were on our merry way, me grumbling under my breath about self-righteous twatwaffles.





My Brain Really Is THAT Weird

28 01 2016

I am blogging this for posterity’s sake. Or to remind myself what a stone cold crazy person I really am. Something. So this is what made me get up at 7:30ish this morning, wondering wtf I had consumed the night before to cause such fuck-upedness.

I just had a dream where I was sitting on a bench in the middle of an ice skating rink, interviewing Lenin about a Prom…and I was wearing roller skates..and he was only answering in russian. In the background I could hear ‘to the window…to the wall…the sweat drips down my balls’ with a thumping beat. It was so ridiculous that I actually woke myself up.

Yup. That happened. And I was still a little frustrated from it like I was in the dream, because I don’t speak russian!





How I Became a Drug Chicken (Or, Never Do an Odd Job for a Sketchy Sylvari)

27 08 2015

So I am traversing a lower (lower than my level) area in Guild Wars 2, randomly stabbing undead and slaughtering unsuspecting wildlife – like you do – when I come upon a Sylvari (one of the plant people of GW2) who asks me if I am up for new experiences. Honestly that should have pinged my warning system right off, but like a fool I admitted that I did like new things from time to time because let’s face it, my thief is not too bright…he’s built to look pretty and be deadly. After asking me which of my traits I thought were my best out of strength, speed and agility, in true vainglorious fashion I said all three. POOF! This…this is what I ended up as:

DrugChicken2

Yes, the absolute epitome of speed, strength and agility…a chicken.

Mr Twig then gets to the meat of his task, he wants me to obtain some ‘special roots’ for him from yonder cave. I can only assume that since I am now disguised as a chicken that said cave might be a touch dangerous, but surely he has made me a super chicken, so I should be fine. Right…RIGHT? *crickets*

So I amble and cluck my way into this cave and immediately see my target. I think that this should really be a simple task, and the Champions inside do not seem to notice me at all:

DrugChicken3

DrugChicken4

But, apparently plucking these plants awakens some angry, fire-breathing grubs and despite what I previously thought, I am NOT a super chicken. In fact my ONLY attack is the ability to let out a terrifying squawk.

DrugChicken5

After getting 4 of those grubs on my ass, all hellbent on a roasted chicken lunch, I turn to squawk defiantly before waddling my happy ass out of there. At least I managed to get the stupid roots, I only wish I could have thrown them at the asshole’s head.

DrugChicken1

Here’s your fucking roots…smoke up, hippy!





Manwich: A Sims 4 Story – Chapter 3, Going Drama Fishing Bites Me On The Arse

15 02 2015

Finally things are starting to get interesting…well, maybe not interesting but certainly not boring. The next day, the trash pile is still in the kitchen and once again some asshole decides to play in it:

Trashole

Also note the artifact particles left in and next to the sink from someone (Simone) washing dishes. I had to restart my game to make that shit go away. I was just glad they did go away as I had just installed a couple of new mods when it happened, one for faster eating and another that ensures your sims stay their same weight with no muscles or fat being added and I worried that one of them was queering things. I know that last one sounds boring, but it’s scary how fast a sim will put on weight be it from fat or muscle. Then it’s kind of a pain to get the fat off later…yeah, you can buy a potion with satisfaction points (earned by satisfying whims), but I’d rather use those for other, more permanent things.

One item of note is that SOMEONE finally made something other than fucking tofu dogs:

BurgersFinally

Thank you Tristan for grilling that platter of burgers. I have some reprieve from the nightmare inducing soy weenies.

Moving along, things began to heat up with Alistar & Simone. No longer were they merely engaging in empty flirting, one morning while they were both in the bathroom doing god knows what…

MorningAblutions

Alistair approached Simone with a proposition. Nope, he did not spontaneously propose…instead he asked her to get busy with him and at least he had bathed first. Let me state here that I have never had sims autonomously ask for woo hoo, I have always had them roll whims to do it and then I click accordingly. But I knew that with some of the mods I have this could happen, it just had not happened for me yet….until now. So Alistair asked Simone to make the beast with two sim backs with him, BUT he also wanted to try for a baby. I almost spit coffee at my monitor when I saw that. Yet another wild card I hadn’t thought of. But surely the risk wouldn’t be that high…would it? Would it? Hello? *crickets*

MaybeBaby

So yeah, that happened and afterwards they were both super proud of themselves and continued to be ridiculously flirty. Alistair immediately rolled a whim to ask Simone to be his girlfriend, a whim that Simone had had about him since the third time he flirted. Yeah, when she rolled her whim to make him her man, I pinned that shit knowing it would come in handy later. Despite my rule of not forcing them into anything, I figure that when they have similar whims it’s okay to go ahead and make it happen. So I did:

AskSteady1

“Yeah, so I totally like kissing you and stuff…wanna go steady?” Naturally she squealed like a baby pig, jumped up and down and accepted. Then they had to commemorate the occasion, (note the half eaten burger on the table behind them. He had interrupted her post coital snack to pop the question):

AskSteadyPhoto

Complete with awkward facial expressions. I love how her right leg is popped up there too.

In the Sims 4, you have the option, after a male & female sim have engaged in risky behavior, to allow the female to do a pregnancy test. I had Simone do this since I wasn’t sure if she would do it on her own. I know this kind of violates my rules, but I am really glad I did it. Sure enough, she was up the duff…the first time they had sex…ever. OF COURSE she was. This is what I get for adding in mods to spice things up. She was positively glowing with joy:

Pregnant

Perhaps it was just my imagination, but it seemed as though Simone’s tatas immediately looked larger as well:

BigTatas

Before long, she had changed clothes and POOF baby bump:

BabyBump

She puttered about doing various tasks all day while the boys were at work:

FakeSims

Even the sims in HER game have hot tubs…what’s up with no hot tubs for Sims 4, EA?

PregnantBartend

Even while practicing her bartending skills she cannot help but think of Alistair…

CleanAllThings

And then she proceeded to go on a tear, cleaning all of the things. We call this nesting in the real world, and it usually happens closer to the end of the pregnancy, but whatev.

In no time at all she was huge with Therin spawn and she was whining and bitching about it too:

SuckIt

Suck it up, princess! That’s what you get for not making Big Al wrap his simcock. Just as way of explanation to anyone not aware of the workings of the game, the thought bubbles above her profile pic are whims. Hers involve marrying Alistair (yes, she rolled that one pretty fast after discovering she had a bun in the oven) and leveling up her mixology skill (that one will probably have to go on the back burner for a good while). The boxed icons below are what is known as moodlets. Orange ones are negative and hers currently involve being hungry (due to eating for two) and rife with morning sickness courtesy of the parasite in her womb. Even eating while full of the future king or queen of Ferelden (ha ha ha!) and nauseated is a lip-wibble inducing task:

SadBurger

I would have summoned some sympathy, but she welcomed his loaded pistol.

Time passed, more flirts occurred, Alistair & Tristan became best friends…but still Alistair did not roll a whim to ask for Simone’s hand in happily wedded bliss. He did, however, ask to feel her baby bump which made me squee with all the emotion the pixel crush I have had for years (since DA:O) could afford:

ProudPapa

At one point they decided to go for a swim and have a serious talk:

AskfForCash

“Uh yeah…here’s the thing…can you like, ask your parents for cash? These bills are piling up and I am taking some vacation time to go skiing with my bros.” Or something to that effect. Please note how Simone rocks the huge belly with bikini look.

At long last the much awaited day arrived and while sitting on the toilet, Simone went into labor. Her reaction? No better time to take a nap. Alistair’s reaction was a little different:

AlistairLaborPanic

“AHHHHHHHHHH! Do I need to pack a bag? We don’t have a car!!! Should I grill chicken???” To his credit, he didn’t flip his shit for long and was back downstairs watching sports before she even woke. When she did wake up though, it was totally go time:

GiveBirth1

I cannot help but love the look on her face. Soon I was prompted to name the new addition, a baby boy. Odin Therin. The game wanted me to give him Simone’s last name, but I refused. Fuck that shit. Man’s going to own up to his child. Then, I was the one making the holy hell face. Another pop up hit my screen asking me to name the little girl Simone had just delivered. Fuck my sim life. Twins. I gave her the name of Maia Therin.

It took me a bit to find where the second baby had landed since I had only set up one bassinet. I could see two babies in the household list, but no clue where little Maia was. Then I found her, in the dining room with her mama:

MamaSimone

I am really glad I had thought to add an additional mod for smarter baby care after Simone fell pregnant. I think in the long run it will make things much easier. I also opted to turn aging back on for the game. I usually play with it suspended, but doing so now ensures the babies stay babies and NO ONE wants that. I now leave you with an ovary exploding shot…or at least it seemed that way to me. OMFG I cannot get over how adorable this is:

DaddyAlistair

*le sigh* heh heh heh. I also think I should mention that at no other time during the pregnancy did Alistair & Simone roll whims to make with the whoopie, with each other or in general. I think they might have learned their lesson. Maybe. I shudder to think what happens in the future. Also? Still no marriage whim from Alistair…





Manwich: A Sims 4 Story – Chapter 2, Faux Dog Millionaire

14 02 2015

Another day, another reason to sell the family grill. Once again someone has grilled up a mess of tofu dogs, leaving that as the only ready cooked food in the fridge. This does not put off our shit-dog munching trio one bit. Errrrryone eats them. Alistair devoured one for breakfast one morning:

TofuDogChower

He appears to be really enjoying that too, musing on it’s smoky plasticness. *shudder*

Soon, Simone is up and rummaging for a snack. Alistiar decides to finally roll a whim to flirt with her in the first time in ages. Huzzah! We might get some action up in here! He makes his move while she is eating a morning shit-dog.

StinkDog

Letting a girl know how much she stinks while you are trying to get in her pants? Maybe not a good plan…just sayin’. Still he perseveres, even following her to the bathroom for some more suggestive chat.

TrulyStink

“Girl, I am seriously into you…but man…is that 40 pounds of raw sewage I smell or you?” Even with that kind of pick up line, he still makes romantic tick marks with her. She is just too cheerful to be ashamed I guess.

One quick shower later and Simone is ready to face the day and whatever else is in store. But first a fast set of sit-ups…executed perfectly in a short skirt and wedges…on the bathroom floor…like you do.

BathroomSitups

By this time, everyone in the house is now awake and watching TV, some of them eating yes, fucking tofu dogs, while Alistair attempts to get his swerve on.

TofuDogSwerve

Eventually, after more chatting, flirting and swim time, Alistair & Simone share their first kiss…awwwwwww.

FirstKiss

Made slightly creepy by a bemused and somewhat sinister looking Tristan looking on.

SlightlyCreepy

True to form, Tristan follows it up with a joke, making what could have been a truly awkward scene one that they might all look back on fondly. Or something. Maybe not…

VeryAwkward

Despite their high friendship and romantic association levels this happens. I am not sure if it has something to do with Tristan’s joke landing at an inopportune time or that Simone is just unsure of her feelings, regardless, things got weird.

This is never a deterrent to true sim-love though and right after this Alistair flirts with her anew and she gleefully laps it up like fresh grilled tofu pups. Speaking of…someone thinks it’s time for another shit-dog, while someone else does a strange mid conversation swimsuit change.

ArtDreamFlirt

Our Simone knows exactly which conversation topic buttons to push to get Alistair thinking of her dreamily…as he snarfs soy-weenies of course. Always with the god damn tofu dogs. I cannot escape their foulness! Upon checking in the fridge, I notice there is only one left…I hope someone makes something else soon. I realize I can force one of them to cook something else, but I am trying really hard not to give in to my typical control freak ways.

Things crawl by at a snails pace and before long I am starting to think I really do need to make some kind of a douche canoe sim neighbor to shake things up but then…

WheresMaid

“Ugh! Where is the maid? What the hell am I supposed to do with this mess?” Well, princess, you repair or replace it and mop that shit up. Except they won’t do this of their own accord without a mod, so I either have to break my rules about forcing them to do things or put in a mod that has them make repairs autonomously. This time I opt to force Alistair to get his hands dirty and wet. Kinky!

RepairSuit

Hey, he’s already in his swimming suit so it’s not like he’s going to ruin his clothing or anything. Every time a sim repairs something in the Sims 4, a pile of garbage is left on the floor. Several things can happen with this such as they can rummage for spare parts, throw it all away or play in it. I have yet to have a sim play in garbage since I bought this game, but there always has to be a first. Some asshole has to come along and just make a bigger mess.

TrashStomp

And sometimes, it’s an asshole you happen to co-habitate with. *sigh*

MessyKitchenAfter Tristan is done smearing garbage juice all over the walls, Alistair decides to wander off to watch the news and Simone grabs the last of the tofu dogs, the trash pile and water puddle stand alone, a lonely reminder of just how completely useless the housemates are.